He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
