I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
