Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
