I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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