Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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