I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
