if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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