Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
