Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
