Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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