I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
