Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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