I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
