Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
