C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
