i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
