U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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