Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
