cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
