And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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