Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
