you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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