Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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