I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
