you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
