Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
