Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
