I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
