haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
