If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What a dumb baby whore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
