I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
