Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
