Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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