Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
