So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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