just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this will be a night to untag.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
