Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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