i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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