my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
