I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
