No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
