And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
