So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
