i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
