Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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