Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
