Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
