Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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