When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
