wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
