i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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