Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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