I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
